My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.  I do not see the road ahead of me.  I cannot know for certain where it will end.  Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.  But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.  And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.  I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.  And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.  Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.  I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

Thomas Merton - Thoughts in Solitude

I wrote the above quotation out on a notecard and posted it above my desk in graduate school.  I used to read this on the long nights studying statistics or plant metabolism or quantitative genetics.  The thought that studying to be a plant breeder could be somehow connected to following God's will seemed so abstract at times, and I often wondered if I had taken a wrong turn somewhere.  

"But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.  And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing."  

Some nights this simple, desperate prayer seemed the only ray of hope in a confusing and exhausting journey, a road that seemed to be taking me far from the intended path of service I thought I had set out on.  So while I have thoroughly enjoyed the occupation of corn breeding and the outstanding colleagues I've been privileged to work with, and while I am also grateful to have been able to work for nearly twenty years on improving one of the most important cereal grain crops in the world, the opportunity to more directly contribute to poverty alleviation and food security for the most vulnerable seemed far distant.

"...you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.  Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost..."  

Nonetheless, what I could not envision, God had clearly in mind.  The road was taking me through experiences of critical professional development and invaluable personal growth far beyond the science and the day to day challenges of commercial corn breeding.  What appeared to me to be a career path far from what I had imagined was in reality a much more profound preparation than I could have comprehended.

Tonight I find myself at the end of an exhausting week - planning and strategizing to help a very talented group of maize breeders and researchers more efficiently develop stronger varieties for the world's poorest farmers.  It is a tremendously humbling task and I hope that I am able, by God's grace, to make a meaningful contribution toward this end.  Yet regardless the result, "... you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."  The outcome is beyond me, but the apprehension of God's grace is always at hand.

Grateful for the sovereign wisdom of God.

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"If you spend yourself on behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,

then shall your light rise in the darkness

and your gloom be as the noonday."  Isa 58:10