If I am standing in the kitchen and my wife walks in, places
something in the sink, then leaves again without looking at me or acknowledging
my presence, she is angry. If my
teen-aged daughter does this, she is self-absorbed. After 22 years of marriage, of enduring highs
and lows, my dear friend and beloved spouse has enough familiarity with me to
know that if she were to ignore me, it would be painful to me. Not only that,
she loves me very much and most of the time, she is genuinely happy to see
me. But my daughter’s world is
different, she is an adolescent finding her way in a challenging world, a
confusing world of instant information, relentless advertising, images, songs,
digital friends. A difficult world of
looking to be accepted and appreciated in a social setting of equally confused
and struggling young adults who bruise one another, often unintentionally, but
still just as painfully. There is a lot
swirling through my daughter’s mind, papers to write, exams coming up, the
dance Friday night. So when she passes
me in the kitchen and leaves again without a hello, it is likely not
intentional. At least I have to believe
that.
But it is still just as painful.
It says to me, in so many words, "Dad, you are not that Pinteresting."
This happens from time to time, or perhaps more often. A few weeks ago it went on for two or three days. Sadie Hawkins dance. Which necklace to wear, what color clutch,
dress needs to be altered… meanwhile the chauffeur in the front seat of the
Toyota was just there to get her from place to place. I have to confess, by the time the dance was
over and my driving shift ended Friday night, I was dragging myself to bed at
11:00 PM with bitterness on top of sadness.
I only have 70 or 80 more Friday nights with my little girl at home,
maybe 70 or 80 more Saturdays. Subtract
the ones when I’m traveling or she’s busy, and I realize that the moments are
disappearing. I realize that this young
woman is so interesting and wonderful.
There is really nothing I would rather do that to sit with her at the
kitchen table and to hear all about her world.
______
Saturday morning I was up at 5:30. Going for a long run in the early morning
while it was cool. Ate a light breakfast
and then sat down at the kitchen table to read from the Word. It had been a few days, but I opened back up
to Malachi where I had left off. Malachi
4… “and he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of
children to their fathers.”
Providence.
Of course my first response was to smile and to think about
this prophecy of restoration and why it would connect the affections of
children and fathers. Then it dawned on
me that this word, even two days earlier, would have passed by me as familiar
and not stood out in such dramatic fashion.
I realized that my being away from the Word for a few days was a part of
the mysterious work of God in my life, strange as that may sound. On this particular
Saturday morning I was able to see and to understand this verse in a way that I
am sure I could not have otherwise.
But then, that was only the beginning.
The object lesson in longing for a closer relationship with
my daughter suddenly turned as I realized that I had just ignored God for two
or three days. The God who adopted me
into His family and Who is ever-present with me. I was suddenly so humbled to think that God
loves me and longs to spend time with me, to listen to what is going on in my
cosmically trivial life. I can’t
understand that. Why, in the scope of everything happening in an unjust and
fallen world would God want to listen to me? More than that, I was ignoring
God, not intentionally, but functionally.
Why would God, Who grieves over human trafficking and child abuse, Who
takes up the cause of the displaced and the oppressed, Who will one day
vindicate the victims of injustice - why in the world would He even care about
someone who is ignoring Him?
Because He is my Father, and He knows that I love Him, even
when I’m self-absorbed and blind to His kindness.
Anyone who has tried seriously to walk with Jesus comes, at
some point, to the realization that while spiritual disciplines are necessary, they
must be approached with caution. There
is not a formula for growing closer to God. I can’t set my alarm earlier and expect to
meet God every day. And if I unwittingly fall into the trap of checking boxes,
not only might I miss God, I might also delude myself in
self-righteousness. It is
dangerous. I can set out to read the
Word every day, or spend some amount of time in prayer, or serve others in some
way. All things which honor God, but
also which have the potential to blind me to Who He really is, if I am not
careful. If I’m not really seeking Him
with my whole heart, I won’t find Him.
The older I get, the more I realize that the only practice
which runs no risk of misleading me is to turn my attention to Him. I can pray without really even focusing on
God, I can sing without worshiping. I
can read the scriptures without listening to Him. But at any moment if my heart is prompted to
turn to Him, and I respond, it will not fail to honor Him and edify me.
Certainly being in the Word is necessary for
growth and setting aside time for prayer helps me turn to Him. Gathering in corporate worship opens a door
for me to experience God and serving others is an avenue to joy in Christ. But all of it is really just straw if I am
not aware of Him. He must be the purpose and end. And He is never far.
“… he will turn the hearts of children to their fathers.”
