I have a hard time being consistent with dental floss. My guess is that this is unlikely to
change. I try to exercise, watch my
diet, etc. but there is only so much self-discipline to go around, and, well,
flossing has never made it very high on the list.
A few years back I figured out that I could do lunges while
brushing my teeth with an electric toothbrush (I’m not coordinated enough to
pull this off with a normal one). That
was good while it lasted. Two minutes to
brush your teeth and a decent quad workout to boot. Now my electric toothbrush can’t charge here
in Kenya, so much for that.
My dental hygiene is suffering.
I have thought for a while that maybe I could motivate
myself by counting empty dental floss containers. Sort of milestones or “Monitoring and
Evaluation Metrics”. I could confidently
walk in to see the dental hygienist and coolly drop five or six empty
containers on the counter. “Yeah, that’s right… flossing like a pro.”
Well, that hasn’t worked out so well either.
I realized yesterday, that what I need is a Dental Floss
Fairy. You know, the Tooth Fairy
disappears for us after our baby teeth are gone. That is only 20 visits, if you remember them
all.
What if I could put my empty floss
box under my pillow and be visited in my sleep by the Dental Floss Fairy? GENIUS!
Of course, the Tooth Fairy is only in for 20 visits max, but
then, let’s be honest, I’m 44 and the odds of me emptying more than 20 boxes of
floss before I die or my teeth fall out are pretty slim. So hey, why not? I’m calling the Dental Floss Fairy and
putting her on alert.
But you know, a quarter under the pillow doesn’t do much for
you mid-life, so I needed something more substantial. What would really be worth emptying a box of
floss for? I need something akin to the
gifts of Galadriel… a luminary glass bulb that gives you brilliant ideas when
you are battling some impossible spider trying to suck the creative energy out
of you while you work on a grant proposal. Or
maybe some elvish rope that could keep you from hanging yourself in office
politics while deftly building substantial partnerships and collaborations.
Or maybe a strand of hair from her golden head…
;)
So that would get me through the first two or three
containers. But then what? I think the
next iteration would likely be Mary Poppins… maybe a spoonful of sugar to help
the medicine of my next performance review go down or a
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious type presentation at the next big meeting. Or absolutely a Jolly Holiday with no
strained family relations or travel glitches.
Hey, maybe this could work.
Let me know if you think of something I could ask for to keep my dog
from napping with his rear end on my pillow.
